Musing on Psalm 84:5

Psalm 84 verse 5

Musing on Psalm 84:5, I admit
You are my strength, Adonai
But I do not always recognize You as such
I do not always behave as if this is true

As in those moments – brief and extended
When I focus on my weaknesses
Become overwhelmed by
And give in to despair
In the face of mountains
As well as molehills that seem like mountains because I am so tired

My strength is in You, Adonai
And I am blessed
But is my heart set on pilgrimage?
Do I have the mindset of someone who is a pilgrim here on earth?
Or is my mindset that of someone who believes
This earth is “Home?”
This life is all there is?

My first instinct is to deny this possibility without examination
But wait …
What do I hold on to the most?
Where is my heart?
Do I behave like a steward of what You have given?
Or act like a possessive owner
Struggling too often to give in the face of another’s need?

In specific situations or circumstances
Do I remember “… our light affliction is but for a moment..”*
Even when it seems like forever?
Do I remember that “what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal?”**
Am I making my way through?
Or am I camping out?
Making plans to take up residence?
Purchasing furniture?
Contacting the interior designer I used in the past?
Decorating the walls with self-pity, rebellion, resentment, bitterness?

Adonai, help me remember that my strength is in You.
Let my heart be permanently “set on pilgrimage.”

*2 Corinthians 4: 17

** 2 Corinthians 4: 18

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