“When I was embittered and my innermost being was wounded, I was a fool and did not understand…”
What was it that I did not understand? Or in my case, did not remember or acknowledge? That You are sovereign and as such in complete control? That You work all things for my good? That Your eyes are always on me? That You know all the details of my life and that all the days of my life were written in Your book before one of them came to be?
It was not the circumstances that caused me to become embittered; they may have wounded my innermost being but it was my response to the circumstances, my thoughts that I entertained and did not cast down; it was my choosing not to forgive. Those were the things that made me like “an unthinking animal toward You,” that is, made me distrust You, accuse You wrongfully, turn from You.
Oh the worship triggering power of the word. Oh the how-could-You-be-so-gracious-Father, the catapulting-me-to-my-knees essence of the word.
“Yet I am always with You; You hold my right hand”
Even as I am resisting You, accusing You, disobeying You by refusing to love my enemies, to forgive quickly.
“You guide me with Your counsel, and afterwards You will take me up in glory.”
No wonder Asaph, the author of this psalm, cried out, “Who do I have in heaven but You? And I desire nothing on earth but You.”
Did he weep as he uttered these words and those that followed?
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, my portion forever.”
Thank You, Adonai for being the strength of my heart and my forever portion.
“Those far from You will certainly perish…”
Not because You have so decreed but because You are Life itself and the giver and sustainer of life and apart from You we know only death.
“But as for me, God’s (Your) presence is my good, I have made the LORD God my Refuge, so I can tell all You do.”
You have always been my Refuge but sometimes, foolishly, I seek refuge elsewhere. Oh Abba, give me the courage to testify of Your goodness and the mercy You show even in disciplining those You love. Your unending mercy and grace deserve no less from me.